27-year-old kicks his friend out of his house after she says she's scared of him because he didn't cry at a family funeral: 'I don't want people around me who are scared of me.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 30, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's upsetting when the people you love interpret your emotions through a negative lens. You can control your thoughts and your actions, but you really can't control your emotions, especially when something as emotionally charged as the loss of a loved one happens. Nobody knows exactly how they're going to react when they lose their mother or their father, and if you judge somebody for how they respond in that moment, you're not a very good friend. 

A lot of people feel social pressure to cry and display a great deal of emotions at a funeral. I'm the kind of person who has a difficult time not crying in that setting, which is more socially acceptable than crying at The Olive Garden. If you're not one to have a big display of emotions, even during emotionally charged times, you can come under fire from people who wear their hearts on their sleeves. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for immediately removing a friend from my house after she stated her fear of me since I didn't cry at a funeral?

    I put my sadness and anger into hobbies. I rarely cry (outside the death of a dog in a film). Had a death in the family last week. Didn't cry, nor in private, though I was devastated. That's who I am.
    via u/Total-Dark-4909

  • The dude in this story doesn't cry in front of others, which scares his friend. When she told him that she feared his lack of emotions, he kicked her out of his house. He felt conflicted about whether that was the right thing to do after the fact.

  • 02
    My friend was at my house and we discussed how I dealt with it. I guess me stating that I putt my sadness into the gym and my books made her uncomfortable.
    via u/Total-Dark-4909
  • 03
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    via Blaz Photo

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    She said that she was starting to fear me, if I'm so outwardly calm. I asked why she's even here if she fears me. She didn't have a good answer.
    via u/Total-Dark-4909
  • 05
    I kicked her out and told her to take an Uber home, and that I don't want people around me who are scared of me. AITAH?
    via u/Total-Dark-4909
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10536213760
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    To those I know will think I affirmed her bias, ponder on this question: If you were scared of someone, wouldn't you want to distance yourself as fast as possible?
    via u/Total-Dark-4909
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10536203008
    via Guillaume Issaly (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    jumpycow It would've made sense if she said she was concerned but instead she said she was scared? Definitely NTA
    via u/jumpycow
  • 10
    Virgillnman boundaries respected, emotional reactions vary greatly
    via u/Virgillnman
  • 11
    FeRaL--KaTT She used ' fear ' to shame him because she didn't understand his reaction. Therefore, in her head, he is bad and wrong, and what else is OP hiding or capable of.
    via u/FeRaL--KaTT
  • 12
    Grandoise drama. We can not control what others think or say about us. However, we can cut out those toxins out like jellyfish stingers. Some people think differently and have a different perspective shaped by their experiences or lack of. Her 'fear' is her issue and should - take it & go..
    via u/FeRaL--KaTT
  • 13
    Kendertas It's also such a damned if you do damned if you don't. Cried openly at my mom's funeral, and I got so annoyed by the amount of women who came up to me and told me it was okay to cry. I was like no sh, that's why I'm not trying to hide it at all. Instead of trying to provide any comfort they were more interested in giving me permission to express my emotions. Of course my sister never got told it was okay to cry.
    via u/Kendertas
  • 14
    Beth21286 No genuine friend would ever say something like to someone when they're grieving. She wasn't there to help.
    via u/Beth21286
  • 15
    Naive-Complaint6696 Exactly. Men get judged either way cry and you're "too emotional," stay composed and you're "scary" or "cold." People need to realize that grief looks different for everyone, and it doesn't make someone dangerous just because they process it quietly.
    via u/Naive-Complaint6696
  • 16
    Competitive-Use 1360 This....I dont cry alot and never in front of anyone anymore. People are weirded out by it. Didn't cry when my mom d d. I had to deal with everything. I didn't have time to cry, what would crying change? What would it do besides making me feel gross. There are rares time when I have cried in the past and had it thrown back at me by the people who were supposed to comfort me. It just not worth it. You do you OP, you aren't scary.
    via u/Competitive-Use1360
  • 17
    Binarycodewitha2 NTA. How you grieve is your business. You are she was scared, she should've left. right, if
    via u/Binarycodewitha2
  • 18
    HorrorLover Everyone grieves differently. You were 100% right to make her leave.
    via u/HorrorLover__
  • 19
    Maine302 OP's friend showed a real lack of understanding of how differently men in our society are raised from women.
    via u/Maine302
  • 20
    kittenlittel It's not just a difference between men and women. Different people do things differently. I've never cried about someone d_ng. Probably never will. I know plenty of guys who cry about stuff - including my son and my husband.
    via u/kittenlittel
  • 21
    PieSavant As a widow, I'm way too familiar with people who feel entitled to police how others grieve. You were right to not take any crop from that j . Well done!
    via u/PieSavant
  • 22
    Mean Armadillo_279 When my parents passed, I wrote like a mad woman. My MIL commented that she couldn't believe I was still writing. She simply couldn't understand that was my way of dealing with grief.
    via u/Mean_Armadillo_279
  • 23
    JaBe68 I think that social media has robbed us of grief. Your grief has to be performative in order to be "real". Some of us just don't process grief that way. My dad d d, and I took one day to arrange all the practical bits and went back to work. I had pre-grieved for him as he had advanced dementia, and I could not see the point in sitting around the house staring at the walls.
    via u/JaBe68
  • 24
    Some people were very disturbed that I was not wailing and sobbing 24/7. I was sad, and three years later, I still tear up when I remember things, I just don't think I have to go into a Victorian decline to prove that I am sad.
    via u/JaBe68
  • 25
    Squat_n_stuff NTA this reads like she spends a ton of time in the true crime meets amateur psychology side of social media and it's cooked her brain How you process grief is your own, not some solipsistic goof's judgement
    via u/Squat_n_stuff

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